The Grain Alcohol Watermelon

This creation will allow you to get drunk, without the bad taste of
alcohol, and best of all, you can safely tranport it in a car without
worrying about a cop nailing you for transporting alcohol.

Materials Required:
1 watermelon (the smaller it is, the less you have to eat)
1 flask of Grain Alcohol (198 proof, or 99% alcohol)
1 small knife Ok, this is really simple. Get your flask of grain alcohol.

Measure how wide the mouth of the bottle is. Then, take the knife, and
cut a hole in the side of the watermelon (make it a bit smaller
than the mouth of the bottle to prevent leakage..also make sure it
is pretty much ROUND). Take the cap off the flask,
and jam it in to the hole in the watermelon.

*NOTE* keep the part of the watermelon you cut out if you intend to
transport the watermelon. Ok, prop up the watermelon so the bottle
is upside down. Watch for leakage. Leave it sit for a while,
and when the flask is empty, your watermelon is ready. If you want
to transport the watermelon, put the plug of watermelon back
in the hole. Then just cut the watermelon up and eat! You will
be drunk in no time. Also, if a cop sees it in your car, he will never suspect it. The alcohol will be absorbed by the watermelon, and
then will get you wasted when you eat it.
**WARNING** Keep the watermelon away from sparks or flames.
Grain alcohol is very flammable.
I have never tried making a watermelon bomb, but I'm
sure it would at least burn quite a bit.
Also, it is hard to tell how
much alcohol you are 'eating'. Space apart the peices you eat so you can tell how wasted you are getting.



Crust: 1 cup warm BEER (110 to 120 degrees F)
4 tablespoons olive or salad oil
1 tablespoon sugar
1.5 teaspoons salt
1 package active dry yeast
2.25 to 3.25 cups all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons cornmeal

Topping: 10 to 12 ounces mozzarella cheese, shredded or
thinly sliced
1 can (6 ounces) tomato paste
.5 cup BEER
2 teaspoons oregano
1 teaspoon fennel seed (optional)
.5 teaspoon sugar
.5 to 1 pound bulk pork or Italian sausage,
broken up
.5 cup grated Parmesan cheese

1. For crust, combine in a large bowl the warm beer, 2
tablespoons oil, sugar, salt, and yeast. Add 1.5 cups flout;
beat until smooth. Stir in enough additional flour to make a
fairly stiff dough.

2. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface. Knead
until smooth and elastic (about 5 minutes). Place dough in a
greased bowl, turning once to grease top. Cover and let rise
in warm place(85 degrees F) until double in bulk (about 1

3. Punch down dough.(For 2 small pizzas, divide in half.)
Using 2 tablespoons oil, coat a 14-inch round deep pizza pan.
(Or use two 9-inch round cake pans.) Sprinkle with cornmeal.
Pat dough into pan, Pinching up a rim around the edge.
Cover and let rise in a warm place until double in bulk
(about 30 minutes.

4. For topping, mix tomato paste, beer, oregano, fennel seed,
and sugar. Cover pizza dough evenly with mozzarella cheese;
evenly spoon on tomato paste mixture. Sprinkle with sausage,
then top with Parmesan cheese.

5. Bake at 450 degrees F 15 to 20 minutes, or until crust is
browned and sausage is cooked

Parsnip Wine
For The Right Flavor The Parsnips Have To Be Taken Out Of The
Ground In
February So This Wine Is Supposed To Be Made In February.


1 Quart Groted Parsnips
1 Gallon Boiling Water
2 1/2 Pounds White Sugar

Put Grated Parsnips In A Stone Jar. Pour Boiling Water Over
Them. Set Jar On Back Of Stove Where It Will Keep Hot But Not Boil.
Leave It There For Four Hours.
Strain. Wash Jar, Then Return The Liquid To It. Add Sugar,
Stir Until Dissolved. When Lukewarm Add Yeast. Let Stand Until Dissolved.